Merry Christmas.

Hold the ones you love.

just a quick reminder:
all photos on this page are copyrighted and for the protection of our children, may not me taken without author's approval!

Thankful

The Holidays are fast approaching and a part of my heart is missing. Just the thought of spending Christmas without my precious ones is enough to break me. But I look around and know that I have so much to be thankful for. So much to praise for.

I am thankful for my mother who will do anything to help, who keeps me organized when I cannot fathom organization, who is always there to talk to and to cry on and to laugh with, who taught me how to love with my whole heart.

I am thankful for my father who is supportive even when he doesn't understand, helps me so much with all the big business concepts I don't understand, and whose unconditional love is such a constant reminder of the Heavenly Father's.

I am thankful for my little brother who is my best friend, who will come sleep in my bed just to keep me company, who can always make me laugh and will listen to stories about Uganda or college or anything else, even if he could care less, just because he's awesome.

I am thankful for my sweet boyfriend, Ben - and this is where all the questions come in... how could I possibly have a boyfriend, is he also passionate about missions, where is he, blah, blah - Well for all you wonderers: Ben is a fabulous athlete on a track scholarship at the University of Florida. We started dating in high school and he came to visit Uganda last Christmas. He is living his passion; I am live mine. The question of whether we will ultimately live happily ever after, I don't know the answer to, though I would be thrilled. The outcome is up to God, and I am not concerned because I know that ultimately His plan for both of us will prevail. Until then, Ben is my constant support. He is one of the few people in my life who instead of saying "you're crazy" says "let's pray about that". Maybe he doesn't always get it, but he always listens anyway. I am blessed by him daily.

My family: Mom, me, Ben, Brad, and Daddy

I am thankful for my darling roommate Meredith, talk about a sweet heart that really KNOWS how to love people. She spends so much of her time caring for the people around her (myself included!) and is always ready to help a friend in need. She is a little missionary right here in Nashville and a woman after God's heart. I have learned so much from her about truly "blooming where we are planted." She always listens and always encourages me to go where God is leading my heart, even if it is away from her.

The best roommate EVER

I am thankful for the May family. Supposedly, I work for this family. What really happens is I go there after class, cuddle with their sweet little ones Sophie and Dylan, play the piano and do homework with the older ones Connor and Jackson, hang out with and talk to Amy and Phil, and leave with a full heart and usually a full belly. Every day at the May house I get to see and hold little miracles. I only hope I can bless them half as much as they have blessed me.

Their oldest, Jackson, and I on Halloween as The Joker and Catwoman

I am thankful for the Oatsvalls and the Mayernicks, most especially Gwen and Suzanne, my "administrative assistants" and soul sisters. These beautiful women have enriched my life in such a way that i can hardly explain - they are a whole other post in itself. They know what it is to live better, forgetting about what the world says and only taking to heart what God says. They are two of the most passionate, Godly women, aside from my mom, that I have ever met, and they know my heart for orphans. They have opened their arms, their homes and their lives to me and are now walking every step of the journey with me: helping fund raise, getting excited each time a check comes in the mail, returning phone calls and emails, and listening and supporting through all the turbulent emotions that are mine on a daily basis. If I don't see them in person, I talk to them on a daily basis. I never want to imagine my life without these women who understand my soul.

Gwen, me, Suzanne at one of many fund raising (and more importantly chocolate cake..) parties!

I am thankful for Uganda. For my children who have forever changed my heart. Sometimes in order to live in this environment that is Nashville, Tennessee, it would be much easier not to know the hurts of the world. But I am always thankful that I know. I do realize that it is not common for a 20 year old to know so strongly what her purpose from the Lord is, and while every once in a while this feels like a burden, every day it is a joy. I am thankful for that joy. Proverbs 24 says that "once our eyes have been opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know and hold us responsible to act." While it is a great hurt and great responsibility to know that there are 150 million orphans in the world right this moment as I sit in the comfort of my own home, I am so thankful to be a part of the responsibility. I am thankful that my eyes have been opened.

A few of my sweet girls who, due to God's beautiful plan for my life and theirs, are no longer part of the orphan statistic. They long with me for the day that there will be no "orphan statistic" and all children will have the opportunity to grow and be loved as they have. I am thankful for that hope and that promise.

To all who have gone out of their way to help me, sent donation, sent letters of encouragement, and sent prayers: I am thankful for YOU. Some of you have been with me one this journey from day one and some of your are just joining, but I assure you, you are part of this work. I do not and could not do this alone. Every prayer is felt, every encouragement so appreciated. Together we are going to change that statistic. Happy Thanksgiving.

i know it has been too long since i have posted.
as you can imagine, with 19 hours of college, as many hours of work as i can handle, and squeezing in fund raising in all my "free time" blogging has taken a back seat in my life.
but your comments are read and greatly appreciated, and your prayers are truly felt. your donations of even what seems a small amount are being wired immediately to feed hungry children.

i turned twenty sunday and marveled at the last year of my life. between nineteen and twenty i have learned to be a teacher, a nurse, a handyman (plumbing and electrical work included), a cook, an exterminator, a maid, a servant, a mentor, a mother, and most importantly a daughter of the King. i have built for myself a home with an adoring family and started a thus-far-successful (only by the grace of God!) business that is helping people in need. and the thing is that while it has been my hands doing the work, I HAVE DONE NONE OF IT. often people ask me how i do it, and the answer is so simple - i don't. a little coffee and a whole LOT of Jesus. this plan, these "accomplishments", they are so not my own.

i am dependent. powerless. weak. drowning. and while all those adjectives should sound scary, they have me in a beautiful place: a place where i can't go one minute without crying out to my Father or i will sink. i am grateful for this place. paul says in his letter to the philippians that he "knows the secret". he has been well fed and he has been starving. he has lived in abundance and he has lived with nothing. his revelation? that he can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens. sometimes i wish that i was still living in the hungry, needy state in which i lived in uganda. sometimes i feel that it is easier to cling to Jesus in that state of having nothing than it is to cling to him in my current state of abundance. but the thing is, although i am not physically hungry or in need, my soul is thirstier than ever. and paul's secret remains true; as i let Him strengthen me, there is nothing He cannot accomplish through me.

i owe great thanks to many who have helped me on this journey.

to those of you who keep pursuing me, you are truly servants. i know that in my consumption with doing his work i have been neglectful, unable to do anything at night but fall into bed without returning the seven phone calls and 40 emails of the day. thank you for not giving up. it is such a huge encouragement to me when people like Pastor Steve, who i have neglected to call back, call and remind me that they are doing everything in their power to help, when people like Erin email their constant encouragement and continue offering to help even when i haven't given them much to do yet, when people like my best friend caroline will drive home from knoxville to see me even when i haven't returned a phone call in two weeks. YOU are showing me the unconditional love of Christ, and i am grateful. so so extremely grateful.

to those of you who have allowed me to become family, to sit on your couch and snuggle your children while i talk about mine, the oatsvalls, the mayernicks and the mays, thank you is not enough for the love that you have shown me!

for all who are donating and praying, the faithfulness of the Lord is evident to me THROUGH YOU every single day. you are a part of my miracle! please continue with me in being His hands and feet.

i can't wait to see what happens between now and twenty-one...

learning to be a nurse.. one of many many de-worming trips

yes, all five were delivered from one mother, and yes we were shocked when they just kept coming! each weighed about a pound and a half.

my house before it became "home..."

supply kits for sponsored children: school supplies, blanket, mosquito net, Bible...

one of my first experiences with cooking meat like a ugandan....

picking rocks out of the beans is now one of my favorite pastimes, a great opportunity to just sit and praise!


the finished product.. ready to feed as many as we can, usually around 150-200 hungry kiddos!


some of the kids getting ready for their first day of school, January 2, 2008

and of course my all time favorite role is that of Mommy! (baptism day)

I will not leave you as orphans;

I am coming to you...

Because I live, you also will live.

John 14:18-19

if my people PRAY...

most of you who have been on this journey have been able to watch me go from a little "brentwood girl" who loved shoe shopping and her yellow car, who relied on God a little but mostly on her cell phone and her money and her mommy and daddy, to a woman, all alone in a foreign land, with nothing to rely on but The Lord Almighty. you have laughed and cried with me as i have put my trust in God to do the little things like kill the bat in the shower or hold off the rain on a long walk home, and the big things like heal my dying children and provide guidance for each step i take on this path. He has provided unfailingly. sometimes in the way i expected, and sometimes in a way quite His own and so much better. it doesn't change the fact: HE HAS PROVIDED UNFAILINGLY.

oh, but i am a human, and ever so slow to learn. some days i just marvel at His patience with me. i have often wondered since re-entering the US why i feel such great culture shock. how can i feel such a disconnect with the place i was born, raised, and for 18 years called home? i have blamed it on many things. american extravagance. the grocery store that almost sends me into panic attack mode due to the sheer quantity and variety of foods. people building million dollar homes. a lack of understanding and a lack of thanksgiving on the part of all of us. the ease with which we receive medical care. the amount of STUFF that just clutters our lives.

it hit me just the other day like a rock on the head. all these things make it difficult to readjust, yes. but what has been the big shock to my system, the huge disconnect, is that i have stepped out of my reliance on God to meet my needs. if i am sick i go to the drug store or doctor. if i am hungry i go to the grocery, need to get somewhere, get in my car, need some advice or guidance, call my mom or go plop on my roommate's bed, want to feel happy, get ben or brad to make me laugh. i keep forgetting to ask God first to heal me, to fill me, to guide me, to rejoice with me. i have to set aside "time to pray" in the morning and at night instead of being in CONSTANT COMMUNICATION with Him. as i sit here writing, i am frustrated at my own stupidity, my human willingness to step back into a place i swore i detested.

for a split second this weekend, my world was shattered. my best friend in the universe, who is going to be a very successful accountant one day in the near future, asked if she could take a look at the ministry's finances, practice on them (this was a blessing to me also as sometimes i am not quite as organized as i would like to be). to say the least, she was baffled. how was this even working? out of 150 children that need to go to school, only 44 are sponsored. that means that the other kids are going to school on donations, or my savings. i still owe ugandan schools about 8,000 dollars to finish this term which will end in december, not to mention that the rent on the house is due next month. she couldn't figure out logically how this could work. if i couldn't even finish paying for this school year, how was i going to pay for 2009? if sponsorship money only covered the cost of school fees, how was i going to continue to pay my overhead? my very un-business-like answer was, "so far, we have made ends meet. the money just always comes by the end of the month." i think she wanted to laugh at me, but i love her for not doing it. she explained to me, as so many others, my very wise father included, that this was not possible. i would have to cut back. that only the 44 children who actually have sponsors will be able to continue school in 2009, the rest of the money raised will go to paying off debt we owe the other schools and then as we have savings we can expand to more children. the idea of telling 106 children that not only could they no longer go to school but also that i would not be feeding them or providing their medical care was something i couldn't even imagine. my mind raced. i held my composure until she left and then broke down in tears.

that is when God yelled at me. the rock hit me on the head. i never chose these 150 children, God gave them to me. i never planned to send them all to school, He did. its not me who is carrying all this out, it is our Lord for whom all things, ALL THINGS are possible! i could just see Him up there laughing at me. "Oh, you of little faith! ASK ANYTHING IN MY NAME AND YOU IT WILL BE GRANTED YOU!" i had become so concerned about how I was going to continue to provide for these kids that i has forgotten that it wasn't even supposed to me me who was providing! i had been so busy working to raise money, that i had forgotten to keep asking Him. i literally fell to my knees. i am not cutting back. i am not telling 106 kids that they are not going to school next year. why would i do that? look at the last year. has God ever failed to provide EXACTLY what is needed? no. why then, would i ever believe that He is not going to provide this time?! i fell to my knees. i begged for forgiveness. i promised to do better. i began fasting and praying fervently for his continued provision. since then 13 children have been sponsored, 3 new fundraising dinners have been set up. friends have rallied around me asking what they can do to help. i did nothing but pray. i am no longer fasting but i have resumed my constant communication with God. He gave me this life, why wouldn't he want to be involved in every minute of it?

i have written this long story that you may be encouraged. make a conscious effort today not to set aside "time to pray" but to live in CONSTANT PRAYER. all you have to do is ask. ask and believe that nothing is too small or too big for your Lord. HE WILL SHOW UP. just make sure you invite Him!

70,000 dollars will pay off our debt for this year and send all 150 children to school the whole of next year with money left over for food, water, electricity and medical care. i BELIEVE that God will finish this good work that He started. i KNOW that He is faithful. pray with me. KNOW with me.


for all of you out there praying for a miracle (davis family!) - keep presenting your extravagant requests to God.

MIRACLES HAPPEN.

to sponsor a child look to the right side of the blog under "blog archive" and find the July 3 post.

to donate to help us finish out this year make a check for any amount payable to Amazima Ministries and send it to Amazima Ministries International, 1694 Autumn Place, Brentwood, TN 37027.

thank you to my supportive friends, and all of you who are prayer warriors for us right now. you are instrumental in this great plan, what a blessing!

and there it was.

"God sets the lonely in families..." Psalm 68:6

the last week has been filled with encouragement. it doesn't make it hurt any less, but it lifts my heart to a place where the hurt is at least tolerable. i feel and see God working. i hate that my time in the US away from my kids is necessary. but with each new encouragement, each new person that gets involved or old friend that is still excited about helping me, i fell God's purpose for my time here. to everyone who has donated money, time, resources, or just a word of encouragement, thank you. you have been a family to one very lonely girl.

* * *

on sundays i go to my parent's catholic church where i grew up. my favorite part of the mass is communion, and i never miss a chance to pass it out. being able to look into each person's eyes and know that on some level, they are experiencing the same hurt that i am, the same joy that i am, the same separation from the Maker that we long to be with, is the greatest blessing. this week as i was giving communion to one lady in the long line of people, she looked at me and said "Welcome home." i don't know this woman, but for that instant she knew me. and she said "Welcome home." it was as if a flood gate broke open from back behind my eyes and the tears came in an unstoppable river. "Welcome home." i wanted to ask her, "where is home?"

i have come to the realization that i am somewhat of a nomad on this earth. i am learning to be ok with that. human beings long for a place to call home, a nest, a sanctuary of their own. i have many and none. for so long my parent's house was my "home", my safe place, and now is a place where i feel strangely disconnected. my apartment is "home" for now, but doesn't feel personal yet. my room there is plastered with pictures of my children in my other "home" in uganda, the only home that truly feels like MY place, the only home that i created for myself, and yet a place that i cannot be.

"Welcome home," she said. and in my mind ten little bald, brown people ran toward me shrieking, "MOMMY, WELCOME HOOOOOME!" and squeezed me until i threatened to burst. my heart lives in so many places. with so many people. but God whispers to me that i really only have one home, and that is with Him. i will never be content here. i will always be a nomad. it was meant to be that way. my heart was created with a desire for a home, a nest, a sanctuary, and that can only be found with Him in Heaven. and i will continue bouncing from one home to another, loving with everything i have in whatever location i am currently residing, excitedly awaiting the day when I am called heavenward and He says to me, "Welcome HOME."

It was a cold, rainy night as I headed out of the supermarket on Main Street. Huddled on the street corner was a little boy, sopping wet and shivering. \at the moment, all I really wanted to think about was getting home, getting dry, and crawling into my little bed, but a voice inside told me to stop. I took the little boy inside the supermarket to dry off a bit and bought him some biscuits and juice. I gave him my sweatshirt, a small wooden cross that I carry in my pocket, and some change for his ride home. As he left, he called out, “What is your name?” “Katie,” I responded, “Auntie Katie.” “Me, I am Daniel!” he shouted, and he disappeared into the night. That was almost a year ago.

Today as I walked into the supermarket to buy food for my family, two small brown arms wrapped around me, and a little voice excitedly proclaimed “Auntie Katie!” I turned to see a beaming Daniel. “Wait!” he said. He hurried to the nearest street vendor and bought me a popsicle with the little pocket change he had. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the small wooden cross. “I have never stopped praying for you every day,” he grinned.

I stand amazed at the goodness of our God. That rainy night, I really just wanted to hop on my piki and go home. But I stopped. I only gave him a sweatshirt (I’m sure I have 8 more). I only gave him some cheap biscuits (I can eat biscuits any day I like). I only gave him enough money for his ride home (probably less than the equivalent of 50 cents). But Jesus gave him hope. And he remembered. He didn’t just remember my face, though I’m not sure how he could even see me in the dark; he remembered my name. He prayed for me. He prayed for my safety and for the opportunity to see me again. I blessed him just one cold night, and he blessed me every day after that for this whole year.

Please. Never underestimate the power of your kindness.

this is what its like to be an african mamma...

Just when I think that the world might crash down around me, something miraculous happens and our Lord catches all the pieces and puts them right back where they need to be. The second semester of school ended yesterday, which means HOLIDAYS for all 150 of my children. It also means that I HAVE to pay the schools the money I owe them in order for my kids to be able to return in September. As of yesterday we owed quite a sum of money, but upon checking the bank account, there was just the right amount to cover the costs. This means that we are NOT IN DEBT to anyone, which has not been my case for quite some time. :) Of course this will only last for about another month because then all the kids will go back to school and I will owe astronomical amounts of money all over again, but I'm not concerned. I have always told myself that God will provide. Well, it's true! I feel that as much as I love these little orphans, God loves them SO MUCH MORE, as much as I want what's best for them- love, spiritual encouragement, education- He wants it SO MUCH MORE. He has and He will continue to provide for these kids. On this note, thank you. To everyone who has donated time to helping me, treasures to take on the journey, money, or prayers – none of this could be done without you. To my dear friend Mary who sat with me while I stuffed my suitcases, made last minute trips to Wal-Mart to make sure I had everything I needed, and brought brownies for sustenance; to Judy Hawn who made darling little dresses that are now clothing little orphans all over Uganda; to the May family and all who have donated; to Brandi and Erin for spreading the word and being always joyful and full of encouraging words; to my family, immediate and extended and my sweet boyfriend for being a constant support system, to Williamsport Christian Church, Holy Family Catholic Church, Christ Church in Franklin, and Mike Whipps and the people of Leawood, Kansas for your prayers and continuous support – the words I use to thank you can never be sufficient, but you are truly a major part in everything I am doing here, you are the hands and feet of Christ in Uganda. Thank you.

As for my life, I am just reveling in being a stay at home mom, however non-conventional my motherhood is. I enjoy every second of wiping dirty faces, painting little fingernails, and making balls out of my socks for the kids to play with. I don't feel that my life is really different than that of most moms, except that I make 18 pieces of cinnamon toast every morning, get splashed by 8 little girls at bath time, and get about 140 kisses goodnight. Which reminds me to tell you, we added a new little girl to our family this weekend! Its funny to me that I have so many children in my house all the time that it just isn't a big deal anymore when we get a new one. Anyway, her name is Margaret, she is eleven years old and beautiful and, until Saturday, a total orphan. She is adjusting well to our crazy family life though.

My children are the greatest kids in the entire universe. I'm sure that every proud mother says that, but I MEAN it. They are so beautiful. So well behaved. So kind to each other and obedient and helpful. They have been through so much at their young ages. They deserve the world. And sometimes, they look at me with these big, curious eyes (8 pairs of them!) that expect me to give them the world, and I wonder – what if I can't?

At nineteen, mother of 8 was not exactly a title I expected. But their little voices call out “Mommy, Mommy” and I am the only one they have ever known. I am not always a good mother. Sometimes my kids are late to school because I set the toast on fire. Sometimes my kids just don't go to school because mom wants to stay home and play. Sometimes we run out of food and have to have pancakes for dinner. Sometimes we leave church early because we just can't all sit still and be quiet at the same time. Sometimes there are so many people in my house screaming and coloring on the furniture and riding the dogs and standing on the table that I feel like I just might pull all my hair out. Sometimes I shout. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I just can't understand what they are trying to tell me. And still they look at me with those big, expectant eyes, as if I can give them the world. “Mommy, where does the sun go when I am sleeping? Mommy, are all lady bugs girls? Mommy, where do I go when I die? Do fish go there too? Well, why don’t fish breathe air? Mommy what makes the sky blue? Mommy, why aren’t you bald like me? Why is our skin different? Why can't you live here all the time, Mommy? Mommy? Mommy…”

As inadequate as I feel sometimes, I wouldn't trade a minute of it. Because I am. I am inadequate. And I'm ok with it. Throughout the Bible God continues to choose seemingly inadequate women to do His work. Look at Mary, the mother of Christ. She was probably no older than me, no more ready to be a mother, no more ready to answer a high pitched little voice asking her a million questions that she didn't know how to answer. So I won't strive to be a perfect mother, I will just strive to be like Mary. Completely unprepared, but ready to take on the child that God handed to her. Her faith was courageous and her obedience was complete. She would submit to God. Regardless of the cost or the consequences. Regardless of if it meant losing her reputation or the man she loved. Even her life. Regardless. NO MATTER WHAT. “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary said, “may it be to me as you have said. She would be a mother. I will be a mother. As long as He keeps giving me these precious children of His, I will continue to love them to the best of my ability. I will be an inadequate, uncertain, loving with everything I have, filled-with-more-joy-than-one-little-person-can-handle mother. And I will love every minute.

my youngest, Sumini and her friend Christina

picking the stones out of the beans to prepare for friday night madness :)

making some music in the fromt yard

friday night fellowship

the food line in my back yard. we go through about 50 pounds of rice and beans in one night!

my daugther Scovia's 6th birthday party. (since none of my children actually know their birthdays, i wrote the numbers 1-365 on a paper and had them each select one. now they all have their own special day - they are so proud!)

i was so happy to see my kindergarten class! they are doing wonderfully with their new ugandan teacher, miss mary!

hellooooo from the "scabie family", now scabie-free and back at home!

all of these beautiful children are still waiting for sponsors so they can finish their education. your prayers are a blessing to us and deeply appreciated.

this is adam. he is one of my personal favorites. he has down syndrome and since no one here really has any knowledge about his disability, he is often brushed aside or overlooked. but God has taught me so much about love through this darling little boy. he loves to kiss me and touch my face (sometimes resulting in pink eye... but i wouldn't trade it for anything). he also loves to bring me presents, last week it was the neighbors' live chicken.. :)

my precious, ever-growing family. there are now 9 of us. left to right: margaret, joyce, agnes, sumini, mommy, mary, christine, scovia, and prossy. please pray for our hearts as we prepare again for my deparure, which we know is necessary but contintinues to be heart-wrenching.

love from us all!

Last night there was a rat in my room. I really wanted to go to the bathroom, but when I heard his little feet scratching around, I literally couldn’t move. I was paralyzed with fear. Now, I’m usually a pretty fearless person and have been told so on many occasions. Why did this little mouse scare me so? I don’t know, but it led me to think about how often, as human beings, we are crippled by our fear. We are afraid of change, of losing, of being hurt. We cling tightly to what we have because we are afraid of what might happen if we didn’t have it anymore.

I read a story once:

Once there was a people who surveyed the resources of the world and said to each other: “How can we be sure that we will have enough in hard times? We want to survive whatever happens. Let us start collecting food, materials and knowledge so that we are safe and secure if a crisis occurs.” So they started hoarding. So much and so eagerly that the other peoples protested and said: “You have so much more than you need, while we don’t have enough to survive. Give us part of your wealth!” But the fearful hoarders said: “No, no we need to keep this in case of emergency, in case things go bad for us too, in case our lives are threatened.” But the others said: “We are dying now, please give us food and materials and knowledge to survive. We can’t wait… we are dying now!”
Then the fearful hoarders became even more fearful since they became afraid that the poor and hungry people would attack them. So they said to one another: “Let us build walls around our wealth so that no stranger can take it from us.” They started erecting walls so high that they could not even see anymore whether their enemies we outside the walls or not! As their fear increased they put bombs at the top of their walls so that nobody from outside would even dare to come close. But instead of feeling safe and secure behind their armed walls they found themselves trapped in the prison they had built with their own fear. They even became afraid of their own bombs, wondering if they might harm themselves more than their enemy. And gradually they realize that their fear of death had brought them closer to it. – Henry Nouwen

“But God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of self-discipline.” When I imagine God creating each one of us and planting a purpose deep in our hearts, I never imagine that purpose being mediocrity. “You are to find me in the least of these.” Yes. “You are to leave your earthly possession and come follow me.” Yes. “You are to love and serve the Lord God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself” Yes. “You are to go and make disciples of all nations.” Yes. “You are to entertain strangers and leapers and tax collectors.” Yes. “You are to show mercy.” Yes. “You are to live a life of mediocrity and abundance, holding on tight to your comfortable lifestyle, lest you lose it.” No. I don’t think so. Its not there, thought that seems like the safe choice for many, including myself. Leaving your possessions to follow Jesus, entertaining strangers, it does sound a little scary, but what if just beyond that risk, just beyond the fear is a life better than anything we have ever imagined – LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

I’m not calling everyone to pack up and move to Africa, to drop everything and go be a missionary. I believe you can be a “missionary” right where you are. I’m just asking you to take a risk. Make a sacrifice. Do something today that you think you can’t afford, can’t be bothered by, don’t have time for. Stop and talk to a homeless man – if the risk is that he pulls out a knife, so be it. Play with your kids for an extra thirty minutes – if the risk is that all the work doesn’t get done, so be it. Share Christ with someone – if the risk is that they think you are strange, oh well.

Today you can choose to be like me and lay paralyzed in your bed, uncomfortably longing to go to the bathroom but unable to move because of your fear of something as small as a mouse. Or you can choose to take a risk – do something for someone, make someone smile, change someone’s world. LIFE TO THE FULLEST – it exists. The choice is yours.

For the last two days, I have once again woken up to a tiny brown hand rubbing my face. "mommy, mommy, mommy its time for wake up". Once again I have remembered how much I truly enjoy a big bowl of rice after a long hot day. Once again I feel, every minute of every day, humbled beyond belief. This morning, Agnes looked at me and said "There it is! It came back!" When I asked her what, she replied "that light that lives in your eyes". Yes. Its back. The light that lives in my eyes and the joy that dances in my heart and the smile that never leaves my face. I feel ALIVE. For those of you who didn't know, I am back in Uganda. Only til the 20th of August this time, but that is long enough to love many.

Somehow, this time i do not feel so far away. I have learned in the last couple months of living at "home" in America and being away from my "home" here just how small this earth really is, just what great a distance love can conquer. God has this whole word just sitting in the palm of His hand. We are literally neighbors. Funding aside, I can be here in just 24 hours. And in 24 hours I can be there. And people are people here and people are people there. They all need food and water and medicine, and mostly Love and Truth and Jesus. And I can do that. I can give people food and water and medicine, and I can give them Love and Truth and Jesus. And I couldn't ever do any of it except with the empowerment and blessings that the Lord has given me.

Many people view Africa as another world, and in being here, it would be easy to think that, it IS different. But really, it is the same. Human beings just hungry for God. Hungry for a purpose, for love, for life. They want to be able to support their children, they want to be able to work, they want to be able to give back, they want to be good, noble people. They want to feel important, and needed, and beautiful. The children want to play, and to eat, and to learn, and to be loved. We are all the same. We do not live in different worlds, but the same one. The same God created us for the same purpose and that was to serve Him and to love and care for His people. It is universal.

So people tell me I am brave. People tell me I am strong. People tell me good job. Well here is the truth of it: I am really not that brave, I am not really that strong, and I am not doing anything spectacular. I am just doing what God called me to do as a follower of Him. Feed His sheep, do unto the least of His people. People tell me they miss me because I am so far away. And here is the truth of it: I'm not. I'm right here, right here on this same Earth as you just doing what I can to make it a little bit better, a little bit more like His kingdom.

To all of you who help make all of this possible, THANK YOU will never be sufficient, but your reward in Heaven is great. And I feel like Heaven may be a lot like Uganda :)

a piece of paper tumbles in the wind. on it is a picture that we have all seen - the face of a white male with long brown hair, a matching beard, and a crown of thorns. a child looks up from picking through the garbage pile and snatches the paper. "auntie kate!" he grins, "this is Jesus!" i look around me. at his bright dazzling smile, a stark contrast to his dingy, torn clothing and mud-caked feet, at the small yellow flowers peeking through the trash and overgrowth. i feel the warmth of sumini against my chest, her tiny arms wrapped tightly around me; i feel the african sun that warms me to the core and the wind in my hair that refreshes and renews. my heart might burst. "THIS," i think, "is Jesus". this is Jesus.

there is a love greater than anyone can imagine that fills me up. and unlike anything else in the world, as i give it away it doesn't ever run out but only multiplies. and THIS, this is Jesus.

“Who will sing my lullaby?
Who will hold me when I cry?
When I awake and no one’s there
Who will sing my lullaby?”

Africa is a beautiful place, a place that I love to call home. When writing, I try o paint a picture of this Africa: a place where people love each other and the Lord, a place of hope and resilience, a place of blind faith, of renewal and life. But today, I want to tell you a story that breaks my heart. It is my hope that it will break yours too. I hope that tonight you will struggle with your warm shower and home cooked meal as you ponder the question, “Why me? Why am I so blessed?” I pray that this story could challenge you, could make you long for change. Africa is a beautiful place, but today, let it break your heart.

This is the story of Sumini. Sumini is a 5 year old girl that looks no older than three. Her cheek bones, hip bones, rib cage and shoulder blades poke out in the places that an American child would be cute and chubby. Her hair is not the jet black it should be but rather gray-brown from malnutrition. It is 4 am. Sumini is sleeping restlessly next to me in my bed (probably on the only mattress she has ever seen in her life) with a 105 degree fever. Sumini is dying. Just last week a lively, blissful little girl in my kindergarten class, now she tosses and turns helplessly leaving me to pray harder and longer than I ever have in my life. My heart physically hurts in my chest.

5 days ago Sumini walked the three miles to school with a very high fever. Guessing it was malaria, I took her to the hospital and was right. They gave me her treatment but only after warning me that with malaria as far along and sever as hers combined with sever malnutrition the chances of her survival were slim. So here I am. Just watching her breathe and knowing it could be last. And I’m sad. And I’m angry. And I’m scared.

Sumini loves to sing. When she does her voice is small and beautiful and full of joy. She also loves to color. She has gone through two whole coloring books and several of my walls since she has been with us these last few days. She is always eager to help; t\when she got here she found a jerry can and wanted to take it to the lake to fetch water. (She was shocked to learn o f a tap, that water could just flow out of the sink right there in my house!) She is learning her alphabet and to pick different colors out of her box of crayons. She is just a child. She could be your child. She could be you. She could be me. Instead she lives in a dirt hut the size of my little shower with her grandfather who is just about too old to move. She goes days with food. She walks miles to school even when she is sick. Before school, around 5 am, she walks a mile to the well and then back again with 20 pound of water on her head (and she barely weight\s 60). THAT could be your child. THAT could be you. THAT could be me. She didn’t choose the life she was assigned and you didn’t either. So what if the roles were reversed? What if you were small and scared and dying in Africa of a totally preventable and curable disease and she was sitting comfortably at your computer with a mug of coffee?

When the disciples asked Jesus what the blind man did to deserve his condition, Jesus replied, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned but this happened to him so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (John 9:3) Poverty is not a sin. I believe it is a condition, a circumstance that allows God’s work to be displayed.

Sumini smiles at me. In the dark, her black face blends right in and all I can see is the bright flash of her teeth. Sumini will not die – not today, because God has put me here to make sure of that. God has put me here to hold her. God has put me here to give her a sponge bath every hour and ibeprophen every four. God has given me the provision to be able to afford the malaria treatment her grandfather cant. God has woken me that I may spend tonight praying vigilantly for the welfare of this child. But what about the others? What about the countless other children who will wake up tonight scared and burning with a fever so high it will kill them? Will anyone notice them? Will anyone even care? Who will sing their lullaby? Who will hold them when they cry?

Every circumstance is an opportunity for God’s work to be displayed. Will we do His work? Will he be displayed in our lives? Sumini could have just as easily been you. How will you change your world today?

its this feeling of euphoria that overwhelms the whole of me. its the feeling i get after spending three hours slashing my grass in the hot african sun and then tumbling into my freezing shower sweaty and exhausted. its the feeling i get when there are 30 kids taking a bath in my house and soap and water is flying EVERYWHERE. its the feeling i get when i am woken up at six am by being jumped on by three beautiful girls who call me mom. its the feeling i get after a long and usually hilarious morning of teaching kindergarten as i begin the three mile walk home, sticky with porridge and covered in chalk dust. its the feeling i get when i pour out every ounce of love and passion in my small self and, miraculously, the Lord fills me right back up again. it takes control and makes me want to dance down the road and sing and the top of my lungs and run a thousand miles. it makes me laugh uncontrollably and it makes my whole body shake and my arms get covered in goose bumps. it isnt just happiness. it is this elation that only comes from the Lord. and in these moments, no matter how breif, i believe that i know just a little of what Heaven must be. and it is better that any pleasure that comes from this world. it makes me want to be a better person, to give all of myself to the Lord, because there is no better feeling than this basking in His presence. i want to stay forever wrapped in His arms.

and these moments, these little glimpses of something better and higher than the world that we live in keep my face smiling, my eyes shining and my heart dancing in my chest. it will keep me pouring out every ounce of everything that i have because there is no better blessing than the opportunity to give yourself away.

the purpose of life is to discover your gift.
the meaning of life is giving your gift away.

140 children are going to school.
with uniforms and shoes and socks and supplies and meals and everything.

busy doesnt begin to describe it.
more joy than i can handle doesnt either.


:)

she called me mommy.
my heart swelled up into my throat. i have only known these little people 4 days and i feel a love for them that is different than my love for anyone else. this is love that wants to protect, and comfort and take away all pain. this is a love that consumes my every move. she called me mommy.

our God is a God of miracles. about an hour ago, my oldest daughter was discharged from the hospital with the diagnosis of a broken collar bone and some soft tissue damage. of all things that could have happened to her (she was under a brick wall for goodness sake!) she has only these injuries, both of which will heal just fine with some time and care. tonight she will spend her first night with her sisters at my house. unfortunately, my bed was crammed enough last night with only my self and two of my girls in it, there is no way all three of us will fit in there. so they will sleep in their very own room across the hall. today after church we went out to lunch and scovia and maria tasted ice cream for the first time. the faces they made were priceless; i guess they didnt expect it to be so cold. they also discovered the joy of the bathtub a few days ago, and i think they have taken about twenty baths since they have moved in.

maybe i will never sleep past seven in the morning and maybe i will never have time to brush my hair and maybe i will never be able to eat a full meal without getting up and down a million times. its worth it. maybe it will always take me twice as long to do everything and maybe i will never have a really clean house and maybe my days of staying out late with friends are over. its worth it. anything i have to give up is worth just that one minute when they look at me and call me mom, when those little hands grab mine and those big eyes look at me as if i hold the keys to the world. its worth it.

sometimes i dont know what God i doing in my life or why. but every day His plan is better than mine. and every day i am just so glad that He is in charge, not me!

January 13

“What is it? I know that you love Africa, but I’m just not sure why. So what is it?”
Let me tell you a story…

It is Sunday morning and church is packed with beautiful, mahogany people dressed in their Sunday best. Amidst all the noise and cheerful greeting of neighbors, one hardly notices the small boy, who slips through the crowd to stand in a corner. The boy is about twelve, though small for his age of course. His clothes are torn and his barefoot, cracked, dirty feet are evidence that he has walked many miles to join us this morning. He carries with him a small instrument that he has made of wood and scrap metal, and though it looks like trash, soon we will learn that it makes beautiful music.

As the pastor enters, the boy humbly asks him if he can play a song for our church. He has walked all night from a Muslim community to join us here and he has been practicing this song for as long as he can remember. He is ready to play it for us and for the Lord. For a child of only twelve years, he is quite solemn. It is obvious how important this song is to him, how necessary that the song be perfect for his Master. His face is serious and concentrated. The song is practiced; he will not make a mistake. Despite the boy’s tremendous effort though, a smile begins to slowly creep over his face. He begins to sing and the song is transforming him. His smile spreads to engulf his whole face and he is singing at the top of his lungs. It is as if something contained deep in His soul has burst, he cannot restrain it any longer. Now he is jumping, so full of joy that he cannot contain it. Now we are all jumping, clapping, singing, dancing. We are moving, all together as one, so full of the hope of our Savior, so full of the delight and grace of our Lord that we cannot sit still. And in this moment, I never want to stop jumping. I never want to leave this room so full of the Holy Spirit that I can feel Him like electricity pumping through my veins, so alive with God’s love and promises that all we can do is dance.

So here I am. And one day I will leave, but I will always come back because my heart will remain. THAT is what it is, that is why. The joy of the Lord bubbling up inside me until i threaten to burst. The God inside of me and all around me who makes me dance.