About a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night to a dream that a huge snake had wrapped itself around my compound with all of my children inside, its head landing closest to my baby, Sumini. As the snake was about to eat her (I mean he was HUGE, his head the sixe of a boulder) an angel appeared, smashed his head with a rock and the snake disappeared.

That is SO a picture of my life right now. The closer I get to being in the center of God's will for my life, the more Satan tries to steal, kill and destroy that joy. I am not surprised. And I rejoice in knowing that even situations that seem hopeless, situations where I feel overwhelmed or exhausted or uncertain, always end the same way my dream did with an Angel of the Lord, who encamps around those who fear Him, smashing the snake.

I mentioned in my last post that we had been experiencing some tough stuff. Its true, there have been some hard days and on top of it we all have a cold, just a few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night with baby Jane puking all over me, and today I have also begun the 24 hour throw up fun. To be honest, I get the most sleep AFTER I have made the kids breakfast and sent them to school, from about 7-9. But GOD! I can't even begin to tell you of His faithfulness and His answers! I'm still going to try of course...

A few weeks ago I posted about seven beautiful, sick little ones who so needed a momma. AND GOD SENT ONE. Then last week their new mom came to me and said that she had a trip planned to Kenya to visit her sister, could I keep them while she was away. My heart sunk, would she come back? I prayed ferverently over these precious children while they were in my care, even began accepting the fact that if their new foster mom did not come back I would for SURE keep them. Tuesday morning, though, she showed up at my door, and with individual GIFTS for each of her children! WOW. I had trusted God to provide them a mother, but He had done MORE and provided a mother who would not only care for them but who would love and cherish each of them personally!

I also mentioned about two weeks ago four sweet little ones that were badly burnt. I have been heartbroken for them, but have enjoyed praying over them and watching as they begin to laugh and play again, happy and almost fully physically healed. On Monday our neighbor Angello, a sweet grandfatherly man, came over to cut our grass. He was instantly drawn to Kizzito, the youngest boy, and listened intently as I told him the story of their burns, the government finally taking away the step mother's custody last week after proving abuse and neglect, and my family loving and praying over these children until we find them a forever family. His eyes lit up. He ran home to his 25 year old daughter, returning 20 minutes later. "They are aour tribe! We'll take them!" WHAT? My mouth must have dropped to the floor. Since these children are already enrolled in our program, they were already being provided education, 2 hot meals a day, and medical care, and now they have a FOREVER auntie and jjajja (grandfather)! Oh, to the God who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we can ask or imagine, to Him be the glory!

Sumini has been waking up at night with bad dreams (oh, how thrilled I am to have her back in my bed!) Though I DO believe that her visit to Katwekankoko and her birth-home was God-ordained, it shook her. She saw her biological sisters for the first time in a year, and that was very confusing for her. She also was made to remeber the hurt and neglect she suffered while there; just the other night she said to me, "Mommy, I do not like Katwekankoko. I was going to die from there." She was little, but she still remebers how sick and hurt she was when I took her from her first home. She has been thinking a lot about her closest sister, Zuula. A few days ago she asked me, "Won't Zuula die from there too?" Oh, her precious heart. I couln't quite figure out how to explain to my five year old that she was the only child of 4 who had been neglected, mistreated, and uncared for by her mother, she was the only one who her mother believed was "cursed", and that Zuula was completely healthy and fine. I tried my best to assure her that Zuula was not going to die, and we would continue to pray for Zuula.

As God would have it, Zuula showed up at my house sick Wednesday morning while the kids were at school. All Amazima children come here sick and I treat them, so this is pretty normal, but being Zuula I was very nervous about what Sumini's reaction would be when she came home. Zuula did not have a fever, but I let her stay and take a nap anyway. She wasn't really sick, or if she was, she recovered immensely fast; as soon as Sumini came home from school she began jumping and playing with her. Zuula stayed for luch and then I asked her if she was ready to go home. Her eyes welled. Sumini burst immediately into hysterics. I scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom where she snuggled up to me and we cried for a good 30 minutes. I cried for the hurt in my sweet baby's heart. What could she be thinking? She has a different mother than her sister that she lived with for 4 years. She knows that her lifestyle (food, clothing, running water...) is so drastically different than her sister's, she knows that her "sisters" here all live together (Scovia, Mary, Agnes, and Nabayego are biological sisters, Prossy, Margaret, and Hellen are too) So why dont her biological sisters also live here? (BECAUSE THEY HAVE PARENTS. But how do you explain to a 5 year old that SHE was the only one her parents didn't want? SHE was the only one discarded and therefore the only one I picked up?) I cant imagine the confusion and brokenheartedness she was feeling. I let Zuula stay the night and prayed the whole night that God would guide my steps.

Yesterday morning I woke up and began the walk to Katwekankoko. I prayed that whole hour it took me to get there and even walked slowly so that I would have more time to try to listen for the Lord's advice. As I sat down to talk to my daughter's biological parents, my heart pounded. I wasn't quite sure what I had come for, and I was more than uncomfortable as that place brings back only hurtful memories. But GOD! As I looked into the eyes of these people, the Lord just took away all of my anger at them for hurting my sweet baby and allowed me to see them in a totally different light. He allowed me to look at them as people who are so poor and so hurting. Sumini's father even asked me why God had forsaken him. This question broke my heart (for the thousandth time this week). I can honestly say that I do not know what it feels like to believe in my heart that my God would forsake me. I cannot imagine the lonliness. I saw Sarah (Sumini's biological mother) as a sweet broken woman, sick, believing for four years that her husband had left her without a word, being so CONFUSED that she could actually think her precious baby was the cause of that, being so entrenched by the culture around her that she HAD to believe this LIE. As we talked, I saw a glimmer of hope in Sarah's face as I told her that Sumini still prayed for her nightly. And then, without thinking about it twice, I asked if Zuula could stay with us. As soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back. You can't ask people that! I would laugh in the face of someone who asked me for one of my children! But, her eyes welled. The dad clapped. "You have answered our prayers!" WHAT? I must have been hearing wrong! Nope. Just last week in church they had listened to testimonies of people who had prayed to Jesus and had their prayers answered. They were even able to watch as we prayed over a lame little girl and Jesus lifted her to her feet, allowing her to walk for the first time in her life (another incredible story for later). They had watched Sumini, their once "cursed", dying daughter, dance and laugh and play, and they rejoiced. They began to pray to this new friend Jesus that their Zuula would also be able to grow that healthy and strong, would also feel so well loved, would also be around people who were firm in this faith and could teach her and guide her. Of course I had simultaneously been praying for my sweet baby's heart, that something would bring her wholeness and contentment, or at least the beginnings of it. Enter GOD.

I wept all the way home. I wept for a mother that loved her little Zuula so dearly she would actually give her up. I dont care how poor I was, I would eat dirt before I would give up one of my children. But that LOVE... to know that your child would be better off elsewhere and LET HER GO. I wept for the LIES and the HURT of these sweet people, children of God that have been so lied to by their culture that they would believe that God would forsake them, that they would believe an innocent child could deserve death! I wept for the hurt and the abuse and the neglect that my baby endured for 4 years that she will continue to remeber and struggle with. I wept for a fallen world where things like this happen, so much more often than we think. But I REJOICED in a Lord who has conquered the world. Who has loved Sumini enough to give her a FOREVER mommy who would teach her love and snuggle her through the hard times. Who has loved little Zuula enough that He would reach His hand down and orchestrate His plan for her life, a plan that I never expected. Who has loved Sumini's biological parents enough to BRING THEM BACK to Him, His precious lost sheep! Who has loved me enough to allow me to love and learn from these beautiful daughters of mine.

Oh, Taste and SEE, friends, that the LORD is GOOD. So good. TOO good.